Going up to girls in clubs, chatting up crushes in the launderette – is it a good thing, a man in his 30s, behaving like a teenager. photo: alamy by gareth may 7:00am bst 18 oct 2014 two minutes a go they didn’t know each other. Tags: anxiety approach approaching attract attraction bars bootcamp 08/31/11 flaking. Throughout the course of the afternoon i talk to two women and, after slightly strained but not overly awkward conversations, get sorry, but i’m late for work both times. Over email, he tells me how, at the age of 35 and while still a virgin, he decided to create an antidote to the numerous costly boot camps offering ‘ladies man’ status in a weekend. Tags: anxiety approach attract bootcamp dates dating dating advice saturday sarge: meet the men who go hunting for women every saturday afternoon groups of men gather in central london to talk tactics and pick up girls sarging online dating. It often comes after that first big break up, when we realise we can survive without the ‘dream girl’. The final goal of the sarge is to eventually not sarge any more , atul says in his email. For most men, i think there’s a stage we go through in our formative years, at university and in our early twenties. Evidently, it’s something some of us learn earlier than others. On pua forum, i find a message from 2011 by the previous organiser of the sarge when it was invite only. All guys dread it, and it s happened to all of us. There s about 30 of us – most of my fellow sargers look like they’ve come straight off the set of silicone valley. For many of these men, shagging had become a sort of continual revenge act for one bad break up. Love systems president nick savoy is here to give you some sure fire tips to. Three of the six of us get numbers and one goes off for a coffee, never to be seen again. Before we set out phil gives a ten minute pep talk to the attentive crowd. Instead, as with atul, he says that the sarge isn’t about women at all, it’s about self-discovery.
Sarging videos by popular 02/01/12 08/31/11 meeting women in bars - it s the traditional pickup location, and in this video love systems president nick savoy offers some key insights. A sarger for four years (he started at 26) he’s now a respected ‘approach coach’ – someone who guides the more inexperienced or nervy ‘sargers’ through their first few months of approaching women on the street. Over a two hour period our group of six must have approached about 12 women in total (i’m told some men will approach that number of women alone). An hour into the saturday sarge and i feel like i’m back in the 90s. Some call it that, group leader phil says sarging online dating. Isn’t that what you guys call an ‘instant date’. Atul says these boot camps essentially cash in on desperate men seeking self-validation through sex and women – whereas his brainchild, the saturday sarge, isn t about women. I m also certain that each approach coach has their own ethos, some a million miles away from phil’s un-pua ‘just do it’ outlook. Despite my own failures there’s no doubt sarging ‘works’. He discards many of the common aspects of pua as well – its language (‘sets’, ‘targets’, even ‘sarging’ itself), its ‘godfathers’ (ross jefferies and mystery) and, finally, its overriding idea that you have to become someone else to meet women. Atul quit sarging earlier this year – he now has therapy, a gym routine and a girlfriend (who he met online) – so instead, i shadow phil for the day. They re beginning to question their perception of women, and they re realising that women are neither a shortcut to instant happiness or a code to crack. Thirty seconds in, she says she’s late for work and i apologise for troubling her. Instead, it’s a weekly free and open-to-all meet up designed to help men face their fears and insecurities by approaching women. Now, as they walk down the street towards a coffee shop, they’re laughing like old friends, wide-eyed and giddy in the august sun. Sure, the echoes of pua raise concerns and i have no doubt saturday sarge has its fair share of men just wanting to pick up women for sex (phil says in the four years he’s sarged he’s only slept with about 10 – the same amount another sarger says he’s slept with in the last six months). But for the guys on the sarge, i had the feeling that they d missed this stage – or, in many cases, simply turned to pua instead. According to phil the ‘perfect’ approach technique is to simply look her in the eyes and see past her mask of bulls*** and let her see past yours and talk about absolutely f****** anything.
A bad break up led him to the pua community, which led him to saturday sarge. As an approach coach, phil’s rules are simple: if you see a girl you find attractive, you go and chat to her. It is about becoming a much better man for yourself, and [to] no longer feel the need to get a girl to have a good life, but to have a great life that will help get the girl.updating the twenty year old dot helmet standard.. For someone already feeling borderline creepy, seemingly hunting in a pack as we are, i’m not entirely comfortable with the idea of stopping a woman in the middle of the street and asking for her thoughts on ‘jellied moose nose’ or another suitable non sequitur. I know it did for me: when i realised that the notion of the manic pixie dream girl who holds the answer to all my ills (a trope, by the way, the end of pua bible the game even adheres to) is just as pitiful and painful as the typecast of a woman in such a role in the first place. In order for phil to feed back any advice i’m rigged up to a concealed microphone and i can’t help but feel that these women are test subjects; something i’m not entirely sure they’d be happy with. Gareth may finds out oxford street in london: the perfect pickup spot. Sarging speaks to these men – but only once they ve come out the other end, as it were. I ask, drawing on my knowledge of pick up artist speak. Phil wastes no time in denouncing pua as too ‘umbrella’ a term, something i fear may be for my benefit. Half way down oxford street i spot a girl i like. By the end of the day, the novelty has slightly worn off but the nostalgia remains. A gateway, as he puts it, to self improvement. It’s rousing stuff, if not quite henry v. The right-swipes, compatibility questionnaires, and perfect profile pictures of 21st century online dating don t belong here. For the first time in years, they’re starting to see women as equals. Phil’s story is typical of many sargers. .
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